No Weigh In

I'm not going to have internet very soon since I am trying to move out of my parents house. I also have a weight update. I think I have an eating disorder. I have all the symptoms of binge eating which is a serious eating disorder. I mean all of the eating disorders are serious thats not what I was saying just in case one of my readers get offended. I want to get treatment for my disorder I just don't know where to start. I wonder if it woud even help? Should I waste my time? Do I really have this eating disorder or is it something else? My questions are endless and I'm not going to bore you with all of them.

2nd Week Weigh In

I forgot to mention with the last post that I took that video last Thursday. It has been exactly 1 week since my last weigh in so its time to weigh in!

Yep it says 242 lbs! I lost 8 lbs! Well I guess mostly because I was sick most of the week and it sucked. I just haven't felt like eating. Today I felt guilty for eating a doughnut but I have barely ate since Friday.

1st Weigh In

This is my starting weight even though according to the scale I have lost 10 lbs since this since I have been sick but I have no idea.

I've Been BAD!

As you can tell from my shadow I haven't stuck to my diet at all since I went to being depressed. I never knew getting married would make me so depressed seeing all of my friends out at college hanging out doing what they want to do and I'm stuck at home catering to my future husband. I seem to never have time for myself including taking care of myself. I just want to be healthy and happy but that wont happen as long as I'm trying to make him happy. Hes already skinny and eats whatever he wants and he expects me to eat what he does and still lose weight, that would never happen! We did go walking at the park yesterday after bribing to allow him to use my cell phone. I need someone to help me with this weight loss not keep me from doing it. He always tells me that I need to lose weight and that he will help me but when it comes down to it he does nothing but bash me for my weight.

Thoughts So Far

Right now I am watching fit tv. I am suppose to be exercising with them but my body just can not do yoga. I haven't figured out what I'm good at yet, well other than eating of course. I want to be able to do yoga since it seems like a fun exercise that allows you to have a nice butt. Currently I am hungry and its only been two hours since I ate last. I feel so ashamed when I'm hungry since it runs my life pretty much. I had planned on going to the park today to walk around the trail but it seems like it is going to rain today. I also have to wait for my boyfriend to wake up since hes my personal trainer.

1st Day: Breakfast

1 Bowl of Captain Crunch Cereal
243 calories

1 Cup of Milk
206 calories

1 Glass of Water
0 calories

1 Banana
89 calories

Subtotal Calories: 538

Excersie: -18 calories

Food calories remaining for today: 904

I am placing a picture of what I look like right now. I am not certain of my exact weight but I asume that its around 270lbs. My goal weight is 150lbs. The goal for this month is to lose 10lbs.





As you can see in this picture I pretty much look pregnant! People think that I am since most of my weight is around my stomach. I also hate my arms since its hard to find clothes to fit them and my back is huge!

Wedding Plans

The main reason I want to lose weight is because I want to look beautiful on my wedding day which is over a year away. I am willing to try anything to lose all this weight. My goal is to lose 100 lbs by April 23rd 2010. I do realise that it is alot of weight to lose but it can be done and I have to do it for myself. I'm also tired of my fiance looking at porn and other women. He dosen't realise that it makes me feel bad even though I have told him that it did. I'm going to start looking up diets.